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Most marriages will go through times that leave a husband feeling bored with his wife, or vice versa. Even the best marriages can experience this.
Proverbs 27:20 Hell and Destruction are never full; So the eyes of man are never satisfied.
The eyes, the flesh, and the desires of man are never satisfied, or, in other words, the nature of man always wants continual gratification. If a man is focused only on self gratification, he will grow bored with his wife, and begin to see only her problems, flaws, and weaknesses. He will compare her to other women, thinking that he would be better off with someone else. His heart will wander, his thoughts will wander, and his actions may follow.
The Christian man has a clear and high calling regarding his relationship with and responsibility to his wife.
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her…
The Christian husband is called to understand the supreme example of husband-hood in the relationship between Jesus and His church. Jesus is the example of how husbands are to pursue loving their wives.
If Jesus is the example of the perfect Husband, then that means that every Christian is Jesus’ bride, regardless of gender. A Christian man needs to see himself first as the Bride of Christ before he can rightly see himself as the husband to his wife.
If Jesus is the perfect example of what the Husband does for his wife, then we need to consider all that Jesus does for His Bride, the Church. Consider John 10:10 as it applies to Jesus and His Bride.
John 10:10 The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.
Jesus came to give abundant life to His Church, His Bride. That means super exceeding, beyond the norm, abounding, rich, full life. Abundant life is living life to the full. Not in the realm that the world suggests, with more possessions, more relationships, etc. Jesus came to give us a spiritual life that brings abundance and richness to living. Abundant Life is the exact opposite of boring life. Jesus lived the Abundant Life, and He seeks to bring us into that Life.
So what are the applications for husbands who are feeling that they are stuck in a boring marriage?
If you are a Christian husband, are you living the Abundant Life, or even seeking it? Jesus said He came that you might have it. Abundant Living starts with you, and will never leave you bored. Seek after it. Do it with great determination and purpose.
If you are a Christian husband, and feel that you are in a boring marriage, don’t believe the lies of the world and Satan that suggest you ought to spice up your marriage with some drink or smoke, with some X rated films, or some flirting with another woman. That is what the Thief says. He comes to kill, steal, and destroy. How many marriages have actually gotten better and more godly through smoke, drink, pornography, flirting, gambling, etc? None. Zero.
If you are a Christian husband who feels your marriage is boring, how much are you seeking Jesus? Jesus seeks to bring YOU Abundant Life, and you often don’t or haven’t gone along with His idea, but he has never given up on you.
Christian husband: it is your responsibility to seek the Abundant Life first for yourself, and then bring it to your wife. Maybe your wife is boring or bored because of years of you neglecting her. The joy of living has been drained out of her by your selfishness. Seek Abundant Life in Jesus, and then bring your wife along. Neither of you will be bored.
Be a godly man. Draw close to God through His word, through prayer, through serving others. Seek to bless your wife instead of complaining about how boring she is and finding fault with her. If she is boring to you, it is because you have not spiritually led her to Abundant Life in Christ.
If your wife is boring to you, is very well may be a result of you not investing your life into her. Husbands often make their wives into something other than what Jesus wants, and then they complain about it.
Christian husband: Man up. Seek Jesus. Walk in the Abundant Life, and take your wife with you. There is Abundant Marriage to be discovered and enjoyed.
Twenty six years ago today, I married Deborah Jeanne Durry. Her father had died just four days before, a victim of cancer. Just two days before our wedding day, we had the memorial service for her dad. Then after two more days, we made our commitments before God, family, and friends. After 26 years of marriage, and 31 years of knowing each other, I thank God more than ever for January 2, 1982. I thank God for my wife.
Back in 1982, it wasn’t standard operating procedure to video tape or even tape record wedding services, otherwise, you would be seeing a YouTube link with two very young looking people getting married. I sang to Debbie at our wedding, and in between verses of the song, I held her hand, and told her how nervous I was. She told me later she didn’t dare cry, because she knew that would be the end of me. Even then, she was being strong for me. That hasn’t changed.
We met at Fullerton College, in the music department. We were both music majors. She played clarinet, and I played saxophone. We had lots of classes together, and eventually became friends. In fact, we became really good friends. Before we were ever officially dating, we were friends for three years.
One funny story to share…
My best friend back a Fullerton College was Richard Hubbard. He was a sax player also, and we sat next to each other in the wind ensemble. From my position, I could look through the ensemble, and watch Debbie where she was seated as 1st clarinet. From that position, she used to wink at me.
I leaned over to Richard one day, and said, “Hey Rich, Debbie Durry is winking at me”. His response?….”Aww, she winks at everybody.” It was true, she did wink a lot, because she was so sociable and friendly, but I figured I might have a chance with her, and so friendship turned to dating, dating to an engagement, and eventually marriage.
We can look back and see that one of the blessings of our marriage today is because we were friends for a long time before we ever dated. It was a very natural thing to fall in love with this woman who had become my friend and confidant. I would encourage all young people to spend a lot of time with groups of peers, and become friends for a LONG time before even allowing romance to enter the equation. As both a husband of 26 years, and as a pastor, I know what I am talking about here. Romance comes and goes; passion is up and down, but friendship is a steady foundation that becomes a platform for love and commitment that will hold couples together through thick and thin.
I also knew from the beginning that Debbie was so different from most of my friends. I respected her so much, and she made me want to be a better man that I was.
Debbie is my best friend, most honest critic, and greatest supporter. If you are reading this blog, and getting any kind of blessing out of it, she has something to do with it. If you attend the church that I am privileged to pastor, then you already know what I am saying. God has used her to fortify me, stabilize me, and provide an environment for me where God could change me by His Spirit.
It is too light a thing to say, “Life can be hard”. You know what folks? Life IS hard. I know that God has blessed me with Debbie. She, by God’s grace, has made my journey towards Heaven so much more meaningful and bearable. In fact, she has made the pilgrimage wonderful.
She has been and continues to be a wonderful mother to our three children. She is a very gifted music teacher at American Canyon Middle School.
Copy and paste this link for a recent newspaper article on Debbie’s teaching career.
She is a very gifted and anointed teacher of the Bible. She is also, in my humble opinion, one of God’s best kept secrets regarding women teachers. If Christendom and the church at large knew about my wife, she would be on a speaking tour, and I would be eating a lot of frozen dinners.
I could go on and on, but I won’t. I am thankful, I am blessed, and I am privileged to have a wonderful wife. It has been rewarding to grow older together, and have a friendship and a love that only goes deeper as time goes by.
My prayer for all of you who are married: Make every effort to die to yourself, and love your spouse. It is a paradox of God, that as you die to yourself in order to love your spouse, then you are blessed.
Debbie, I love you. You already know that, but I wanted to say it again here, in front of God and everybody.
By the way, for those of you reading this, don’t call me today…I’ll be out with my wife.
I really like talking about my wife. She is my best friend, confidant, and most trusted counselor. She sees me at my best, and more importantly, at my worst. It is very important that she sees me at my worst, because that shows me how unconditional her love for me is. Unconditional love not only sustains a man, but also can heal a man. God knows that I have needed a lot of healing over these years, and my wife has been a faithful conduit of God’s love to me.
I am very defensive of my wife. Not that she needs it. She really doesn’t do anything to get on people’s bad side, but take notice, all you potential troublers of my wife: If you trouble my wife, we are going to have a talk!
The Bible declares that the husband and wife are one flesh. The Apostle Paul says that that is a mystery. Then Paul goes even further and says, “But I speak concerning Christ and the church”.
Just as surely as a husband and wife are one, Jesus is one with His church, the Body of Christ, composed of all who have Christ in their hearts.
That truth has helped me a lot about my view of the Church, the Body of Christ, the Bride of Christ.
There have been times that the Bride of Christ has bothered me. She doesn’t do things the way I like. Sometimes She hurts me, ignores me, and doesn’t appreciate me. Sometimes the She hurts herself, and in my opinion, deserves to suffer without any consolation from me. In fact, sometimes I am glad about Her suffering for doing the stupid things that She does.
In my mind, I always knew She was off base, sinful, carnal, lazy, opinionated, and selfish. She walked in the flesh, and now She has to suffer the consequences, and I am glad for it. In fact, sometimes I take great pleasure in watching God discipline His Bride.
Then it hits me…wait a minute…I am the Bride of Christ…I have done all of those things…I have suffered for my actions and attitudes…I have brought pain to Jesus, because he is one with me…and He has never rejoiced over my suffering. Jesus has never been hard hearted against me. He has never rejoiced in my iniquity, or the consequences that that iniquity brought. He has been broken hearted over my sins, and has longed to draw me back, and heal me.
I am the Bride of Christ. If you are a Christian, you are the Bride of Christ. We are one with Him. So are those ones who are His, but who for the moment, are hurting themselves and sowing to the flesh. Sometimes the Bride ignores her Bridegroom, always to Her own hurt. We should be sad about that.
If my wife was hurting herself or hurting me, and you rejoiced over it, how do you think I would feel about your joy? How does Jesus feel when His bride hurts Herself or Him?
Dear brothers and sisters in Jesus: Let’s have a correct view of the Church, the Body of Christ, the Bride of Christ. Let’s embrace what Jesus embraces. Let’s sorrow over what He sorrows over. Let’s pray as he prays, and forgive as He forgives. Don’t hurt the Bridegroom by how you treat His Bride, but rather, bless His heart as you bless His Bride.