Agonize, But Don’t Marginalize

By pastorbillwalden

Below is an answer to a last minute question which was submitted by text at our Sunday Service on Feb. 7, 2010.  Not all of the text came through, but I think I understand the gist of the question.

The question was about loving our children for who they are, not who we wish they were.

Paul agonized over the spiritual state of the Christians at Colossae. Consider the following verses:

Colossians 1:29 To this end I also labor, striving (agonizomai) according to His working which works in me mightily.
Colossians 2:1 For I want you to know what a great conflict (agon) I have for you and those in Laodicea, and for as many as have not seen my face in the flesh,

Both of the italicized words above are connected to our English word agonize. Paul, in an appropriate, godly way, agonized over the spiritual well being of these Believers.  They were being subjected to wrong teaching, and were in danger of being spiritually cheated.

Though Paul agonized over them, he was also careful to point out what they were doing well.

We read in verse 5: “For though I am absent in the flesh, yet I am with you in spirit, rejoicing to see your good order and the steadfastness of your faith in Christ.”

My point was/is this: Though Paul agonized over them and worried about their spiritual well being, he was still able to be complimentary about those things that were good among them.

The application for us is this: We too, sometimes agonize over people’s spiritual well being, whether it be kids, parents, friends, or whomever.  The danger that we fall into is that we worry so much about their spiritual state that we overlook the rest of their lives.  Our relationship with these loved ones hinges on “how well they are doing with the Lord”.

The relationship becomes one dimensional. When said loved ones see us, they know that we will express interest in only one thing: “How are you doing with Jesus?”  The relationship becomes shallow, and feels confrontational.  They feel marginalized, out on the fringe.  Though said loved one may not be too interested in Jesus at present, they do (hopefully) have a life that is worth celebrating, with accomplishments to be recognized, and hopes and dreams that they wish to share with us.

If our only expressed concern for people is” “How are you doing with Jesus?”, then these ones we love will share the rest of their lives with others.  We can end up alienating the ones we agonize over.

My suggestion: Love people for who they are now, not for who you want them to be, spiritually speaking.  Of course, people’s greatest need is Jesus.  But may I suggest that their second greatest need is having a people who love them for who they are today?

It is right to agonize over loved ones who are apart from Jesus, but I believe that we forfeit much when the relationship lives or dies based upon whether our loved one wants to walk with Christ.

Love people for who they are, not for who you want them to be, and then agonize over them in prayer, alone with God.